Re: Texts From Last Night

by **Abby Sciuto** Wed Feb 18, 2015 2:53 pm

Abby to Nick
"Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails."

by **Clint Barton** Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:13 am

Clint to Natasha
"I hope so. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried."

by **Leo Fitz** Wed Feb 25, 2015 1:53 pm

Fitz to Simmons
"I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DON'T LET ME FORGET."

by **Jemma Simmons** Sun Mar 01, 2015 7:48 pm

Jemma to Fitz
"In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH!" might not have been an entirely wise decision."

Jemma to Antoine
"There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it."

Jemma to Skye
"When I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" while petting my face."

by **Clint Barton** Mon Mar 09, 2015 2:17 am

Clint to the Avengers
"No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tonight. Do you understand?"

Clint to Natasha
"Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past four days"

by **Kelly Jones** Wed Mar 11, 2015 10:50 pm

Kelly to Garrett
"My last Google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'."

Kelly to Annabelle Fritton
"It's like eating cereal and milk, but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka."

Kelly to Antoine
"I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... But I made it home."

Kelly to Fitz
"I wanna bring you to show and tell."

by **Richard Yates** Sat Mar 14, 2015 10:04 am

Richard to Svetlana
"Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?"

Richard to Julian
"A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day."

by **Bella Thorne** Sun Mar 22, 2015 8:34 pm

Bella to Saffy
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models."

Bella to Chelsea
"As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan."

by **Kelly Jones** Mon Mar 23, 2015 4:37 pm

Kelly to Alexis
"Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me."

Kelly to Annabelle Fritton
"I narrowly avoided being tazed by a SWAT cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.."

Kelly to Antoine
"He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form."

Kelly to Steve
"I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does."

by **Svetlana Orlova** Thu Mar 26, 2015 9:54 am

Sveta to Warrick
"In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME!"

Sveta to Layla
"I'm so hungover that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes."

Sveta to Julian
"1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day <3"

Sveta to Maria
"Oh god was she eating orange peels again?"

by **Julian Reynolds** Sat Mar 28, 2015 4:48 am

Julian to Svetlana
"Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients"

Julian to Richard
"I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month."

Julian to Clint
"You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back."

by **John Garrett** Sat Mar 28, 2015 9:35 am

John Garrett to Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Antoine Triplett and Nick Fury
"Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now."

by **Clint Barton** Sat Mar 28, 2015 3:47 pm

Clint to Julian
"Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in someones car."

Clint to Natasha
"I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants."

by **Kate Lynelle** Wed Apr 01, 2015 5:09 am

Kate to Svetlana
"It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar."

Kate to Alexis
"I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god"

Kate to Warrick
"I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum"

by **Clint Barton** Wed Apr 22, 2015 2:23 pm

Clint to Natasha
"So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka"

by **Kelly Jones** Sun Apr 26, 2015 10:33 pm

Kelly to Kate
"I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers. It's like feeding bears: always ends in disaster."

Kelly to Antoine
"I'm gonna get wrecked tonight. I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure I'll send you really weird texts."

Kelly to Garrett
"I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the litre on my off-time? Answer: mine."

by **Antoine Triplett** Mon Apr 27, 2015 2:32 am

Antoine Triplett to Kelly Jones
"Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?."

by **John Garrett** Mon Apr 27, 2015 2:36 am

John Garrett to Team Garrett
"The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs"

John Garrett to Team Garrett
"McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human"

John Garrett to Kelly Jones
"When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'."

by **Patience Moran** Mon Apr 27, 2015 2:41 am

Patience Moran to Maria Hill
"I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are"

Patience Moran to Nick Alvarez
"Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window."

Patience Moran to Svetlana Orlova
"Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine."

by **Alexis Trevelyan** Mon Apr 27, 2015 2:44 am

Alexis Trevelyan to Kate Lynelle
"Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?

by **Layla Pierce** Mon Apr 27, 2015 2:46 am

Layla Pierce to Svetlana Orlova
"Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention"

by **Kelly Jones** Mon Apr 27, 2015 9:58 am

Kelly to Antoine
"As soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?"

Kelly to Kate
"Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy."

Kelly to Annabelle
"I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here."

Kelly to Garrett
"I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. Then I stared at him till he spit it out. It's official: I love squirrels more than people. They actually listen."

by **John Garrett** Mon Apr 27, 2015 11:12 am

John Garrett to Kelly Jones
"The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay"

John Garrett to Antoine Triplett
"Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned."

by **Layla Pierce** Mon Apr 27, 2015 11:25 am

Layla Pierce to Svetlana Orlova
"You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem"

by **Clint Barton** Mon Apr 27, 2015 11:27 am

Clint to Coulson & Julian
"Every concussion has its silver lining."

Clint to Natasha
"If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch."

Clint to Coulson, Natasha, & Julian
"Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?"

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